I finished my summer classes and to my satisfaction did well in both. Was excited and on a roll I thought. I started fall classes today. I was feeling uneasy all the way to class. I kept praying, "I was supposed to go back to school right? Why do I feel so uneasy??" After my first class I now know why. The amount of work for each class seems insurmountable. I am signed up for THREE classes AND to work 20 hours a week as a graduate assistant. Now I am worried...
I didn't see Kale but for 2 hours today :( I thought I would be able to go to school and still have time for him. All I kept thinking during class is, "I want to go home, I miss Kale."
Now, it is 4 AM and I can't sleep. I rolled Kale off my arm and pushed him closer to Matt so I could come blog (I couldn't help but take Kale to bed with us tonight). I just feel sick. If I don't finish my degree now my classes already taken will be worthless (degree wise anyway). BUT, these are the most important years to be with Kale and I am just not home now. BUT, I need to finish because we NEED the extra income. BUT, I KNOW that I wont be able to go back to work full time anyway and we are just going farther in debt with schooling. BUT BUT BUT!~
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Hey! Hard decisions - the thing about grad school is you can take it one day at a time. Here are some hints I have learned from the last 5 years in grad school.
1 - don't take grades too seriously - you are there to learn and no grade can say you did or didn't do that.
2 - leave it at the door - grad school is a big crazy roller coaster of departmental politics, favoritism and other fun crap - leave it at the door when you come home you have better and more important things to do - Kale and Matt!
3 - don't read everything - skim, skim, skim - get the idea of things and move on
4 - plan and start early - get out your planner and put every major assignment in it - then give yourself time to do it - procrastination and grad school are a hard combo - you won't like how you feel or the grade you get in the end
5 - find a study buddy - is Matt in school this semester? If so then make sure you study together - anytime together is better than none!
6 - remember that if you read your scriptures, pray, attend the temple and have FHE the Lord is going to bless you - it really works
7 - get a beginning of the semester blessing - the Lord will let you know what to do
8 - Don't study on Sunday's - this is two fold - you are doing what the Lord has asked and you get a true day of rest - it will seem impossible but I never have in the last 9 years of education and it is like a tithing thing that it always works out.
9 - Lastly - pray like crazy - tell the Lord that this is what you feel today, the worries about school and balancing it with your family - he knows your heart - tell him your dilemma and priorities and He will help and bless you.
I know that is a long list but I know that Heavenly Father loves you and Matt and Kale and wants you to be as happy as possible - school is part of that so for right now focus on the positives, treasures the moments with your boys and have a willing heart so you can hear the Spirit telling you have best to do this. Love ya so, Kathie
I love what Kathie said! I have a few more comments to add as well.
First, I've learned that the grades you get in school are only important in school. They matter very little once you are out of school. So, if you need to adjust your expectations on your grades to spend the time you need with your family, then that is what you need to do. Future employers will understand.
Second, you have to really decide what your priorites are. (Did I spell that right? I don't know... Spelling hasn't been one of my priorites, if you couldn't tell!) You've prayed a lot about going back to school. The right things are usually NOT easy! Keep praying, life has a way of balancing out eventually.
Prioritize spending. There are tons of people in the world, and in this country that make less than you guys with big families, and they make it. If money is such a big issue, you really need to figure out where it is going and see what can be cut back. (Sucks, I know, but it must be done!)
Last, know that you are not alone, EVER! You not only have an extreamly loving and kind Heavenly Father to turn to, but you also have some pretty rock'n awesome friends. Remember that we're here for you and that it's ok to ask for help and it's ok to not be perfect all the time!!! (Hey, look at me, I had to ask for help today to get someone to clean the toilets. Not fun to have to ask, but I couldn't do it and they were driving me nuts! My priority of a clean toilet overcame my embarasment of not being able to do it myself.)
I'm here for you. I miss you! I can't drive yet, I can't even get out of bed for more than a bathroom trip yet, but I CAN talk on the phone and I DO keep my buddies in my prayers. You aren't the only one praying for you!
Love ya girl! Hang in there! I know you can do it! Sometimes it just takes a bunch of time to find out how all the chips are going to fall.
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