"I may have small feet, but they're a great fit in my mouth."

     My wonderful friend Jennifer (whom I have only seen four times in my entire life and speak to only every few months) once told me that everyone needs to have their say...even if it hurts.  That through prayer and keeping the Spirit with us we learn how to express our feelings constructively. That this kind of communication is more important than anything to maintaining relationships.  I have had more truth thrown at me the last few weeks than I care to face and have dished out my share as well. 
     I have come to realize that what hurts worse than the truth is the remorse and pain of not knowing (and than finally learning) how people truly feel about our actions towards them.  The pain of having those we love stewing over what we said, did, or didn't do feels more destructive than an atomic bomb. BOOM...there goes the planet (and relationships) when what is felt finally surfaces.
    I found the most wonderful article that helped me to realize that once **** hits the fan, there is a great way to deal with it.  I think I often skip the S step, thinking I can make it better if I "explain" EYE-ROLL...guess what...when you keep talking you keep adding to the oops. 

"S - A - M

Stop
Stop talking. Even if you're mid-sentence.

Admit
Admit your mistake. "I put my foot in it. I didn't mean to offend..." You'll know the words that work for you.

Move On
Move on. You've apologized. It was an accident. It's up to them how they choose to respond and you dwelling on it will only make things worse."

Retrieved from: http://ezinearticles.com/?What-to-Do-When-You-Say-the-Wrong-Thing&id=2223473 Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/2223473

To add to this wonderful article I also have learned that it is just as important for us to use the SAM when we have been hurt. "Oh wait friend, did you mean to say...That kinda hurt my feelings" if the person says, "yeah I did mean to say it you idiot." Well...then....that sucks....

Being Thankful...

Sometimes it is difficult to see God's plan when you are hurting. Just after Christmas I had a difficult miscarriage. It is amazing to me how as went through this I never felt alone. I knew my Savior was there. My darling sweet husband came home early from work after my appointment with my doctor and brought me flowers and ice-cream. I will never forget the extra time my Matt took to hold me when I needed to cry and how he kept "checking" on our sweet Kale that night. I could see it in his eyes that he too felt this loss and was so grateful for the healthy happy child we still have. I am thankful that the Lord blessed me with the ability to see through my own pain to be aware of how my husband was feeling. While still very sad, I am glad of how the experience has brought my little family closer, and that I know how much my Savior loves us. We were told we would never get pregnant again, so it also helps me to remember that God can defy science when He wills it. When I begin to feel angry or very sad, I read Alma 7:11-12 over and over until I feel better.

“And He shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which he will take upon Him the pains and the sicknesses of this people….” “…That His bowels may be filled with mercy, according the flesh, that He may know according to the flesh how to succor his people….”

I love how “pains” is used twice. The Lord did not just come to help us through the pains of our sins, but the pains of the world as well. He knows every tear, every fear, and every beat of every heart. He has felt the pain of this loss I suffer and He is there to hold me and take my pain unto Himself if I will let Him.

Not forever young, but defiantly forever growing

Ok this is for all the women out there who reach "that age". You know what age it is...for some it is in their 20's, others 30's, and for some not till they are in their 80's. It is the age when you realize that wearing certain types of clothing doesn't work for you. Not because you are unattractive in it per-say, but more of "dude" she should SO not be wearing that. This is the time when a woman goes from maiden to mother or from mother to crone as the pagans would say. It is that transition time, a time that frankly is scarier than clowns in a horror movie.

This year I feel like I hit that age. The age when taking a picture of myself with a camera phone to put on my Facebook has lost its appeal. The age where teenage boys on a video game yelling at me that I suck actually makes me cry. The age where technology doesn't intimidate me, but knowing what it can do scares me to death. The year when I realized that time has marched all over my face, hair, and butt.
The age where I wake up in the morning and say to myself...Who are you now, because you are really not the Malissa you knew yesterday.

I was reading my scriptures today and I realized that over and over again we are told to only do the things that bring us closer to Him. So as my excellent sister Soso told me "I have only one new years resolution, the same one I have every year. To be better than I was last year."

So with a grateful heart, some grey hair, a plump booty, and a smile I am determined to be better than last year to stretch forth my hands to the divine and be more like my Savior.

The Fairytale...

I love the part, in fairytales, it's very near the end...when all the kingdom cheers for their new queen; and all is well, and all is good, and everyone belongs...happily their everaftering.
But when I enter the kingdom of dreams and face the promise of all I can be...will they see me as the heroin, tell me would they let me in?
-Rigoletto

Is a fairytale really make believe or a simple personification of human emotions? The most wonderful part about fairytales is our ability to slip in and out of them, each time finding a different connection to the story. Maybe today we feel like the princess, longing for strong arms to hold and save us. Perhaps tomorrow our wickedness takes over causing all manor of havoc on unsuspecting princesses.

Are we not all different parts of fairytales? Hoping and searching for a moral or meaning at the close of each chapter in life? Do we not each move through our lives as different characters in this worldly experience that our Creator gave us?

I hope at the end of it all, I will have earned the happily ever after.

Can't believe it...

I can't belive it. March is at an end and I didn't even realize that I forgot my Mother's birthday. I know that in Heaven she could care less, but I think it just shocked me. I ususally write a little note to her on my calander, or write about her in my journal. I can't belive I forgot. Weird...

Out of the mouth's of babes....

Just when you start to think that the entire world has gone crazy, and that there is no hope for any of us, there comes a child with more knowledge and understanding than most learned scholars. I am so grateful for my sister Anita who passed this sweet message on to me....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7g2ibWdVxg

I hate Febuary...

What a terrible week. I usually spend the first week of February crying, but this one takes the cake....

UTSA was the biggest mistake of my life. No matter what I say in my classes, I am always wrong. I have quickly learned that I will never graduate from there unless i just become a quiet butt in a chair. For a graduate school that prides themselves on "critical thinking" and "questioning of everything" they don't want anyone asking questions or disagreeing with them in anyway.

Because of my big mouth my Monday night proff thinks that I am too naive to be in Graduate school. "You should know more about other cultures by this level Malissa, and should know what is offensive and what is not" was her words. Not going into details...hurts too much, but needless to say, it will be a long semester in there.

Because of my big mouth my Tuesday night proff things that I am "Rude and disrespectful" because I quoted a researcher that he was not aware of, and and that I was "purposely trying to make him look bad in front of his class" when in all truth, it was supporting what he was saying. But apparently I should have only been quoting him because, "he has been in this field for 30 years and is a leading authority in this field and has never heard of this Kuby"

Wednesday is the anniversary of my mothers death...So after crying for two days about classes, all my homesickness hits me like a brick.

Spent all day Thursday crying.

Spent all day Friday with Kale puking his guts out...

Spent all day today puking my guts out...

Will this week ever end???